A CHANGE?

Hullo guys,
It's been a long time, but I'm here again. Today I'm gonna talk about something more... serious I guess? Lately I've been thinking... And the more I thought, the more I felt like crying. I decided to share this little thought here with you because honestly, I don't know who else should I talk with.

 CAUTION! BORING PART! CAUTION! BORING PART! CAUTION! BORING PART! CAUTION! BORING PART!  

Yeah, so where should I begin? Everything's changing so fast. By this time last year I never imagined my life would be like this. Or maybe I did, I don't know. In fact it all started by this time last year.
I feel like if I met myself in the street, I'd hate me. I'm gone, empty. I can't control it. And I don't even try anymore.
But what I wanted to talk about today is this decision I have to make. In short I have to choose if I wanna leave my school and go to this private English high school, or if I wanna stay here with my few friends (and uncountable number of non-friends, including my ex-boyfriend).
To be serious, it's really not very pleasant to see him every day, being so obviously happy and better off without me. It's not like I still love him. But this is so weird. Especially when my "friends" talk to him.
And I hate everyone in our school so much and I hate my class. On the other hand, I'd probably hate everyone in every other school, because they're all the same. And I hate people in general. But then there are my friends, my real friends. I really don't wanna lose them, they're kinda everything I have.
Leaving my current school is idisputably an appealing idea. But leaving my friend Tess to the mercy of those idiots is selfish and ungrateful.
And it also crossed my mind... how would this ex (hate this word, it|s so improper) react to it? How would he react to my disappearance? Is it strange to think about it? I wonder if he'd be happy...
Because if I were in his place, I would.